The Four Agreements: a book review.
Conversations with myself
I love reviewing books and, more importantly, reflecting on how they have impacted my life. This book has, so far, been an incredible way to see my life through the lens of these agreements.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a self-help book based on ancient Toltec wisdom. It offers four simple yet profound principles to help people break free from self-limiting beliefs and live a life of personal freedom, happiness, and love. The four agreements are as follows:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
2. Don’t make assumptions.
“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
3. Don’t take anything personally.
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
4. Always do your best.
“Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”
The book emphasises breaking away from societal conditioning, self-doubt, and fear-based thinking to create a life of personal empowerment and authenticity.
How This Book Has Impacted My Life
There are books that entertain, books that educate, and books that truly transform the way we see the world. Without a doubt, The Four Agreements is one of those transformative books. Its principles are simple yet profoundly impactful, offering a guide to inner peace and freedom. Over time, I’ve found that applying these agreements has helped me navigate life with more clarity and ease. Here’s how each one has influenced my perspective.
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
Words are powerful. They shape our reality, influence our self-perception, and affect our relationships. I used to underestimate the weight of my words—both those I spoke to myself and to others. Through this agreement, I’ve learned that speaking with integrity not only fosters trust but also builds a more positive inner dialogue.
For me, this meant becoming more mindful of self-talk. Instead of criticising myself for mistakes, I started using words that encouraged growth and self-compassion. It also made me more aware of gossip and negativity in conversations. Choosing words that align with kindness and truth has helped me cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
This was a game-changer. It’s easy to interpret others’ words and actions as a reflection of our own worth, but in reality, most people act based on their own experiences, emotions, and struggles. Understanding this has given me a greater sense of emotional freedom. I always worried about other people’s thoughts or actions. I used to take everything personally.
I’ve learned to detach from the opinions of others—not in a way that dismisses constructive feedback, but in a way that prevents external negativity from dictating my inner peace. Whether it’s criticism, rejection, or even praise, I now see that it says more about the other person’s worldview than about me. Letting go of this need for validation has been incredibly liberating.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Miscommunication is at the root of many conflicts, and assumptions often fuel misunderstanding. I used to assume what others were thinking or feeling, which led to unnecessary stress and misinterpretation. This agreement taught me the importance of asking questions and seeking clarity instead.
Rather than jumping to conclusions, I now practise curiosity. If I feel uncertain about someone’s actions or words, I ask. If I’m unsure about expectations, I clarify. This simple shift has strengthened my relationships and helped me avoid the unnecessary emotional turmoil that comes with filling in the blanks on my own.
4. Always Do Your Best
For a long time, I equated “doing my best” with perfection. But this agreement helped me realise that my best fluctuates from day to day, and that’s okay. Some days, my best means being productive and achieving goals; other days, it means resting and prioritising my well-being.
By embracing this mindset, I’ve released the pressure of unrealistic expectations. I no longer beat myself up for not meeting a certain standard every single day. Instead, I focus on showing up with the best energy I have in the moment, knowing that’s enough.
Books are my guides, and this one has become my bible. Integrating these agreements into my daily life hasn’t been an overnight process—it’s a practice. But as I continue to apply these principles, I find myself feeling lighter, more present, and more at peace.
If you’ve read The Four Agreements, I’d love to hear how they’ve impacted your perspective. And if you haven’t yet, I highly recommend giving them a try—you might just find the shift in mindset you’ve been looking for.
“Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”